the part that sucks…

We lost a puppy. ūüôĀ Actually, as I write this, she is still with us, but it will not be long. ¬†Kevin is holding her and has been for the last couple hours… making sure she knows she is loved and is as comfortable as possible for her last moments with us. ¬†I have to remain on “baby duty” – although I have free hands at the moment, that could chance in a second. ¬†The chores get pushed and our schedule gets jumbled… all for this precious little pup.

We noticed that she was not gaining as fast, and then not gaining, and then loosing weight. ¬†This came as a surprise because she was one of our biggest gainers the day before. ¬†How does a puppy go from thriving the most, down to not thriving at all?!? ¬†We made attempts to get her to eat as much as possible. ¬†I was up late last night and Kevin was up every hour after I finally went to bed to try and get her to nurse. ¬†We both got her to latch halfheartedly ¬†a number of times, but it just wasn’t enough.

The saddest part is that there is another. ¬†The runt of the litter who has actually been thriving alright, but has been on our watch list from the beginning. ¬†Always making sure that she is the first to eat, watching to make sure she doesn’t get pushed off, etc. ¬†She nursed and had energy around 2:30 this morning, but a few hours later, her quality has dropped. ¬†As I write this, I have stopped a number of times to try and get her to nurse and although she seems to have the vigor, it’s as if she has forgotten to latch. ¬†We will do our best to help her figure it out and pray for a miracle. ¬†Yes… I hate this part.

The kids are now all up and entertaining each other so that I can take the pups that need comforting and Kevin can can go down to complete the barn chores.

handling it all…

I didn’t grow up on a farm. ¬†We had quite a few animals (as in definitely more than most) and I’ve experienced plenty of death, but it is never easy. ¬†As we settle into our farming lifestyle… there is death. ¬†There is death, and it sucks. ¬†Sometimes, we are able to determine a reason, but sometimes not.

For some reason, I have always hated sharing about an animal dying in our house. ¬†I have always felt that it was my fault, ashamed that it happened. ¬†With each death, it makes you feel like make you’re not the best person for this job.

But then, on top of the death, we also have to deal with telling others about the death. ¬†This part is almost as hard as the death itself for me. ¬† Not only the sadness and pain stopped me from discussing and sharing, but also the fear of judgement. ¬†Which is strange… I’ve never been much of person to care what others think of me. ¬†As long as I’m doing my best, doing what’s right, and good with God – that’s all that matters. ¬†But death… for some reason it’s a different story.

Before I decided to share our story publicly, I wrestled with this issue of death and how was I going to deal with it and writing our farm journal. ¬†It took some time, but I made the commitment to be real… about everything, including death. ¬†So, here I am, a little sooner than I had hoped, discussing just that.

doing our best and remaining thankful

At a minimum, I know that we have done everything we could do for these pups. ¬†Kept an extra close eye on them, made sure that they were the first to eat, put them on extra to eat more. ¬†At this point, I just have to trust that it is all in God’s hands and be thankful for the pups that make it.

There is good and there is bad that comes with this life… it seeps to be exemplified in the world of farming. ¬†Unfortunately, we can’t have one without the other. ¬†It is hard, but we do our best to keep our focus on the big picture, a God, that loves us dearly, and be thankful for countless blessings.

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